Got my meds… and starting the uphill battle to getting better again

Thanks to the Church, for providing me with the assistance I needed to get my meds. I have almost all my meds, and this is a GOOD thing. I am starting the mental uphill climb to relative normalcy. Unfortunately, due to the situation, I was without wellbutrin for quite some time. I have it now, and I have applied for a program for it. The only med I will be doing without for about two to two and a half weeks is the Plavix, which is TRULY essential to me, but not within the realm of affordability. So I do without for a short time. Hopefully there will be no lasting repurcussions because of this.

I will be resuming the writing tomorrow, working first on Rune, and trying to at least get further along, even if I AM unable to finish it. For those who are waiting for the finale, hopefully it won’t be that far off. The Great Lady will be the first to see it, since she is most likely able to help me find the pace I need without it becoming overly frenetic.

Talk to everyone later.

Relieved, but may soon be OFFICIALLY PISSED OFF

I am quite relieved.  The problem that was greatest in the house will soon be over for good.  I won’t go into details, merely infer that some people are moving out of the house I live in.  That’s great, and should take stress off of several people in one way.  Unfortunately, it leaves our roommate in a VERY bad situation that I hope to be able to alleviate soon.

What I may officially pissed off about is the fact that one thing that has gone missing is my hard back edition of Susan Cooper’s Over Sea, Under Stone.  The book could not be found amongst their possessions.  This is not a good thing, as it is a VERY difficult book to find for me here.  I had a matching set, all in very good condition.  It’s a wonderful read for all those who have not bothered to read it.  The movie, Seeker, The Dark is Rising did it no justice whatsoever, and, to my mind, was almost, but not entirely quite unlike the books upon which the movie was based.  Enough unlike it that if there had been no dark rider, then it would have been COMPLETELY unrecognisable.  HOW COULD THEY MAKE A MOVIE BASED ON THAT BOOK WITHOUT INCLUDING THE RIDE OF HERNE THE HUNTER!!!???  It’s an atrocity!  It’s horrid, and while the movie, as a stand alone, was pretty good visually, it really left MUCH to be desired when it comes to comparing itself to that truly unique book.

I will go away now, as I seem to be going completely off the subject.  Love to all.  Bye for now.

E-Mail to my Mother… I changed my mind and made it a blog entry mid email.

Yeah…. I do the brisk walk around the block…(About a quarter mile each time) Twice per day weather and breathing permitting.  Today, however, I walked around the block once, and then about four blocks each way to a store… came in red faced and huffing and puffing like I was going to pass out…. whereupon I was promptly asked by my blushing (or was that rage?) bride if I had decided to wait until we were married to kill myself.

 

Of course not silly, I think, I have been unconsiously trying to do so since I was a child… Name my choice of suicidal ideas…. Hmmmm… Getting into a rock fight at summerfield comes to mind…  Playing upside down on a ladder in a quarry type place comes to mind…. Seriously….This should be one of my blogs… I think, after I have finished this email I shall cut and paste it, and title it E-Mail to my Mother…

 

The meandering mind of a quasi madman are at the very least entertaining… if only because  we can smile, sigh, and say, there but for the grace of God go I.  My mind is a fun place to be, they know me here in my own little world.  They don’t judge me here in my head at all.  So yeah, a nice place to be…. Sorry Mom, I got locked into doing a blog in an email without thinking about it.

Yes, I am odd.  I don’t know why I decided to do so, it seemed like the right idea at the moment… Hehehe…. Ok, so I am odd… It’s proof that I belong to the family I belong to.  Every one of us are decidedly odd, and we are proud to hoist that banner high.  So for now I must sign out as I have a room mate asking me to look something up at O’Rielly Auto Parts, since their car decided to putter out.

Still not saying anything about a very nice wedding since I promised.

Hallo hallo hallo.   Well, married life is pretty much like regular life, but with added paperwork.  Just kidding.  There was only a LITTLE extra paperwork and it should be done relatively quickly.  We have all the regular running around to do now, as my Angel has decreed that she will decidedly NOT be a hyphenated woman.  She is, in many ways a traditionalist when it comes to marriage, and yes, she is firecely protective of me.  She is not relegated to cook, housekeeper, etc except as she chooses to be, and I DO, (despite her teasings) help out around the house as needed, including sweeping and mopping floors, and even occasionally doing dishes.

I am mentally prepared to return to my writing now, having taken the extended time that was recommended by my doctors to ensure that I was ready for returning to a working frame of mind.  I have enjoyed the last couple of days, and to be honest, it must be admitted that my Angel is, if anything, even MORE affectionate now that we have gotten married.  I love you, my Angel, and I am glad you are in my life.  Try hard to remember that, even when times are difficult, and you just want to hide and scream.  Remember that I am here for you, and my shoulders are quite large enough to bear my burdens and yours also.  They are a great place to cry when you need it, and soft enough that when you just need a place to snuggle into while reading a book, they will be comfy. 

Now is an appropriate time to send a VERY heartfelt appreciation to all of my family for everything they have done, not only for me, but for my Angel as well.  She feels VERY loved, and I am truly grateful for that.  Izzy, Chaucerian Girl… your shopping trip delighted her to no end, but her reaction to the Godiva bag full of trinketry goodiness was a momentary flash of dismay when she snatched eagerly at the Godiva bag, only to find trinketry rather than Chocolate.  I perhaps didn’t get you quite warned enough… she is a TRUE chocoholic… She is truly convinced that there is NO SUCH THING as too much chocolate, and indeed that it is, and should be considered, a food group all it’s own.  I did have to laugh though.  She grinned at what treasures were inside, and oohed and aahhhed at the appropriate moments.  She is a very sweet woman, and I look forward to the day you all three are together.  Of course, no thanks would be finished without a heartfelt gratitude to everyone’s favorite gardenlady, and her irrascible husband… Thank you both for everything you have done.  Without your help and input this would have happened MUCH later.  I am sorry, dear Gardenlady that you could only hear my voice on the phone, but if we can ever get the minister and photographer on the ball there will be pictures posted… perhaps even on these very pages.

To ALL of my family.  I love you all very very much, and I AM grateful to everyone for everything you have done, and indeed, NOT done for me…  That self reliance was needed, and I would not have learned some lessons had I been coddled every step of the way.  I still have growing to do, but then, that’s the whole point of life. Grow, evolve, learn, and eventually spread what nuggets of wisdom you can to the coming generations through whatever format you are most comfortable with.  I thank you all for everything you have done for me, and for every time you have prayed for me, or for patience in dealing with me.  I am NOT an easy person to get along with, and I DAMNED well know it.

so to everyone, again, I love you all, may your days be filled with grace and joy, may your nights be filled with rest and peace, may your hearts be filled with the Love of God, not only for yourself, but for all mankind, and may Angels find thee both on earth as well as in heaven, whatever your need.

The Deed, she is done… and I am keeping my promise not to open my mouth

My Angel and I were, as most of you know by now, married as of today.  This is all I will say on the subject as I have been threatened with certain death and/or mutilation.  This, of course, is NOT a desirable state of affairs, and so, with MUCH regret, I shall not discuss the deed before she has a chance to do so.  I shall blog later, and so, with tongue in cheek, I salute you all, and bid you a fond adieu.

A joy and a blessing

It has been wonderful to see what my dear sisters have done for my angel.  The welcome that she is feeling coming into this family is more apparent to me than anyone, and it is a joy and a blessing to see the tears of wonder and joy that have come across her face with nearly every e-mail that she recieves from Chaucerian Girl, Izzybella, OR Garden Lady.  She is more grateful and appreciative than anyone can possibly imagine. She really is beginning to shine with an internal glow from all of this.  She is filled with love, and even some joy, although she is also quite upset with dealing with the problems we have to deal with here.  My love to everyone.

Sunday is the day

Sunday my Angel and I get married.  It isn’t going to be anything extravagant, just a simple ceremony, at our roommate’s Aunt’s house.  They were already having a dinner, and we were invited to be married there, so that the dinner becomes a reception as well.  The wedding will be done with a phone nearby, so that my Mother and Stepfather may listen to the wedding as it progresses.

It shall be a short post today, as I have been feeling the bubble of creative juices since last night.  I don’t know quite yet what form this sudden burst of creativity shall take, but I have been feeling the need to take fingers to keyboard and create.  I shall write later.

Well… If doctors would listen we would all be better off.

I have often wondered why it is that doctors INSIST that they know our bodies better than we do.  I have spent MONTHS trying to convince doctors that something was dead wrong with my heart still.  That something was hurting.  I was told repeatedly that it was my imagination, that there was NOTHING WHATSOEVER WRONG WITH MY HEART.  This, of course, is why when I passed out last week and ended up BACK in the hospital, and a Doctor FINALLY decided to listen to me and do another angiogram that they found that there was yet ANOTHER major blockage, and that one of the graft sites had actually shut down.  They put a stent in, and after another day, sent me home to finish the recuperation process.  WHY, in God’s name, did it take me PASSING OUT for them to finally decide that it was important to heed what I was saying THREE MONTHS AGO and do the angiogram?  Do I not know my own body?  Am I not the one who feels pain when the body starts hurting because blood is trying to go where it cannot go?  And yet I am told it was all in my head, that is, until one doctor who still believes in what he practices actually took the time to LISTEN to his patient.

DOCTORS!  Let this be a moment for you to pause and reflect.  When you start relying on medicine and it’s little text book clues and subtle hints… My body showed NO TEXTBOOK SYMPTOMS WHATSOEVER, and yet the stent was needed, and in fact, was required!  Sometimes the body does things that make no sense whatsoever, and yet the need to do something is STILL THERE!  ok.. my bloodwork was normal.  Ok, so the T wave irregularity was a (I cannot figure this one out) a normal abnormality(?!) Ok, so everything that you looked at pointed to a perfectly functioning heart and network of blood vessels, veins and arteries.  GUESS WHAT?!!! Just because it looks normal DOES NOT MEAN IT IS NORMAL!  The body makes fools of men of Science, and the brilliance that is God’s work SUPERSCEDES YOUR OWN!  Do not presume to know ALL the workings of the instrument made by God, because doing so only shows your own folly!  LISTEN TO YOUR PATIENTS!

Ok… I got THAT off my chest.  Still working on the smoking thing… day by day, step by step.  I am succeeding better than anyone th0ught possible, given my history of smoking between one and a half and two packs per day.  I am overcoming this.  I need to rest still, I am sore a lot of the time right now, and of course my breathing gives me trouble still.  That’s to be expected.  It’s just something I will have to deal with the rest of my life.  I must deal with the consequences of my actions.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Such is life.  I flush and get over it.

I shall not take up too much of your time. 

Love to my friends and family.

Lunatic.

Well, Now it appears it’s a combination of problems

Ok.  Now perhaps this will go correctly now, instead of all wahooni shaped.  (A cookie for those who get the reference)  So the problems with my computer are actually relatively cheap fixes in the grand scheme of things, but still all too expensive when one has zero dollars.  I need to buy a new fan for my tower… this is relatively cheap as it’s only about eleven dollars at Best Buy, and the other issue is that my monitor has a bad and plastic burny smell coming out of it.  This will require a fan behind my monitor to keep it cool, and a curtain behind it to keep direct sunlight off the tower.

I have a box fan strategically placed right now, but I am loathe to overdo it on my computer until I get the fixes done… and for those who still wonder, I am still smoke free, and still craving free. 

Take care.

A New Day Dawns

It is the morning of the second day, still going strong. 

Enough about that

My computer, although it is relatively new, is suffering from heat stroke.  The CPU fan has decided it cannot spin as fast as it needs to in order to keep my CPU cool enough to operate.  This, I suppose comes from running the computer nearly all day and half the night in eighty degree weather, sans air conditioner.  (It’s not my fault the central air unit is out, nor that the only window unit AC is in the living room.)  Yes, this complicates matters, especially since the computer is relatively new, and I am extremely broke.

So excuse the limited communication over the next couple of days, as the heat will be rising along with the heat index, and I do not wish to totally destroy my computer.